Competitiveness. The Original Sin.

The scale showed a 4 ounce gain yesterday at Weight Watchers. I think this is just what my body does. I have to realize that I have 2 good weeks and 2 bad weeks because of my cycle. That doesn't depress me. It's only 4 ounces. This week starts a new struggle though...EXERCISE.

I'm taking it very slow. I walked Caleb to school today as he rode his bike, and will walk him back home this afternoon. Plus, I'll pop in the Biggest Loser work out video and begin my first workout to the DVD. I've made a committment to work out three days a week for the next few weeks.

I have a new take on being Competitive. It's the original sin. If Adam and Eve weren't so fixed on being like God and having His knowledge, then they wouldn't have taken a bite of the "apple".

I am probably the only person who loathes competition. It seems that everyone around me is so competitive. WHY? I hate competition, despise it in fact. I would rather encourage everyone and work at my goals without feeling like someone is going to be upset with me or feel bad about myself because they "beat" me. What makes me feel like crap are those who are competitive with weight loss. In order to have a TRUE competition in weight loss, you would think you would have to be the same weight (within a few lbs) and have the same amount to lose. So, how can someone who has maybe 20 lbs to lose be competitive with someone who has 50 lbs to lose? I didn't ask for competition. I started Weight watchers for ME...so that I could get healthy. I didn't start so I could lose X amount more than so and so this week.

Part of me feels like giving up altogether and just working on it myself. My doctor wants me to take a steroid again, which makes me sad. I'm going to give a different drug two weeks to help me feel better, but if it doesn't I'll start the prednisone. At that point, it will be much more difficult for me to lose weight without working twice as hard as I am now. I don't deal well with stress and I've been getting mini anxiety attacks lately. Plus, this whole one sided competition thing has made me feel even worse about how much more weight I have to lose and how hard it will be once I start the prednisone.

How am I going to be able to walk into Weight Watchers every Monday, shell out money we don't have to spend and know that it's all in vain anyway?

One of my friends has stopped coming to Weight Watchers because she is pregnant (YAY!). Right now I feel like once I start the prednisone, I should just quit WW too.