Tween's & the Internet = OH NO!!!

We found out today that our 12 year old boys were on my AOL account yesterday and today looking at porn. My twins have their own internet screenname on AOL (which is protected), but I guess I was just naive and didn't think they would look on my account. I usually just store my password, though now I have deleted all unnecessary screen names and changed my password, too. We've also deleted Internet Explorer so they cannot access it.

Our 9 year old son told us while we were walking at the mall this evening and we were completely taken off guard. When we got home, both Rob and I looked at our history and found the websites they viewed....along with a "FREE Video!!". They even started the search by typing in, 'naked weamon' and then correcting it in the next search they did.

What I saw made me get a knot in my stomach the size of a Big Mac. I'm not oblivious to porn...in fact, I was made to look at it at a very young age and I know I can't protect my children from all the bad stuff, but dammit....I thought my home was safe. And what made me even more sick, was that my very innocent 9 year old walked in on them and saw 'girls with bras'. WHEW! If that's all he saw (and I believe him), then PRAISE GOD!! However, their carelessness and disregard for their little brother was almost too much for me to handle.

They were disciplined and we spoke to them, in depth, about what they did. I told them how it was very disrespectful to women and that in looking at those women, they were treating mom and Chloe like pieces of flesh. I also told them that Satan puts that stuff out there and we talked about conviction. When asked if they knew what conviction was, Braden replied, "When it feels like your insides are crumbling?" YES!! That's it!!! You've got it, but now LISTEN to it and heed the warning it gives you.

We asked them to tell us exactly what they saw and we believe they were 100% honest with us. I truly feel that God was protecting their eyes....they are still so innocent and it makes me mad that this stuff is so easily accessible. Don't get me wrong, my children get honest answers when they ask us a question about sex or whatever. We don't hide things, but we also don't just shove the whole kit n' caboodle in their faces all at once either. We answer until they are satisfied. Like Chloe and Casey both know how babies are made and where they come from...they can give you the correct names of body parts, too. But they didn't ask that very specific question... "How does the sperm get to the egg?" It took Brenden & Braden a good year or so to finally realize a big part of the story was missing. But when THEY were ready, they asked....and we pulled out the big anatomy book and had ourselves a nice talk. Rob has had many more talks with them about things they don't want their mother to know about. hmm...I wonder what those could be? ;) YIKES!! I have TWEEN'S!!!!!!

Anyway- while the video was loading, it seems, Braden called Brenden away and when they returned, it was only the last few seconds of the movie, which wasn't more than what you see on prime time. The beginning of the video made me want to hurl though. It was seriously XXX rated....hard core porn. I don't do well with porn anymore...it makes me feel physically ill. Why they didn't replay the move, I don't know...maybe Casey was around and they didn't feel it was safe. Not to mention, the look on the woman's face was enough to scare any child away...Heck, it even made me cringe.

The websites, well....they did have some very graphic shots and while I am sure they saw a pretty good share of female parts, they may have seen male parts, too. I'm pretty sure they didn't sit for long gawking at the pictures with Casey looming nearby, but what they saw was too much.

I'm disappointed in myself....that I wasn't more careful. I know how dangerous the internet can be. I know what it feels like to be tempted and give in and have it haunt you for years. To this day, I cannot watch the news or read a story about someone being kidnapped in Iraq. Rob quickly changes the channel or I cover my eyes and ears in order to protect me from the mental images that replay in my mind over and over again. Each and every time I have to do that, I want to kick myself.....because I'd rather be blissfully ignorant (to at least that specific thing) than to have viewed it and died on the inside. Thankfully, after much prayer and giving it to God, I have been able to have one of the images pop up in my head and not have a panic attack on the spot. I just tell Satan outloud that I refuse to succumb to his tricks and lies and then I ask God to cover me and to surround me with His love.

Well...now that I've deleted all the crap off my computer, I'm off to bed. My legs hurt and my neck is killing me at the moment. Time to go take some medication.